Oh, California, How Could You?

As most of you who live in California know, it is now illegal to text or talk on the phone while driving. I have just a few tips for those of you who would like to continue in this idiotic, yet some would say necessary, habit. When I’m driving and I feel the urge to text slowly envelop me, here’s what I do to avoid getting nailed by the boys in blue (and I don’t mean our beloved Dodgers).

• Before the law was passed, I was able to keep my phone even with my view of the road so I could text while still keeping my eyes on the other idiots with phones. Now, I have to keep it low, which in turn forces me to look down, so it’s a LOT more dangerous to continue my unsafe road habits. 

• I have a truck, so keeping my phone lower than the windows is key. Cops have low cars so I can easily avoid detection. Frankly, I never understood why cops had such low cars (other than the obvious factor of speed) because if they had say, a monster truck like “Truck-A-Saurus” they could see inside everyone else’s cab and more easily give out their bogus tickets. I use the word “bogus” to keep it family friendly. Otherwise, I’d have a few choice words for them that would not be suitable for anyone under 21…or the elderly.

• When I see a cop, I automatically do what every Californian who values self-preservation would do; drop that phone like it’s the Spawn of the Devil and wave innocently at the cops, (who were no doubt handing someone else a horrendous ticket).

If any police officers are reading this, it was um…all just a joke…I ALWAYS follow ALL the laws…oh, and my name is Harriet. If not, my name is Stevie, and it’s been a pleasure.